MIA!~So Much To Say!~Mental ADD!!

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That last post is a perfect example of what I mean by Mental ADD!!  I was in the middle of writing this when I realized I had my dates wrong and no longer had 24 hours to finish my video walkthrough!  Suddenly I was putting this aside to try and get at least a slideshow done, so I could still have a chance for the deadline!  And then of course I burnt myself out, got it done, and wait…no upload! lol… I decided, it may not be the most interesting post, but there was no way I was trashing it and having what few hours I had that day go to waste :).

I planned to get back to this entry right away, but lets just say the week got crazy… if a week can get crazy with only Friday left… But I cancelled two appointments in order to stay home and get the list of things swimming around in my head done, which was about 8 I think, not to mention the addition of flu symptoms and a water pipe busting a leak!  So, it’s Sunday now and I am finally getting back to my thoughts for Thursday, which really have fit in perfectly with the last few days… MIA! ~ So Much To Say! ~ Mental ADD!…

That is literally what it feels like inside my head right now… mental ADD!  LOL  So many things have been happening, with so many thoughts to go along with them, that trying to narrow it down to just one, or even trying to figure out where to begin, is enough to make me dizzy!  And then when I do start, everything seems to tie together anyway. I start talking about one thing and it leads into another and that into another and so on and so on… But meanwhile, I have to remind myself to finish the first idea I started with. See… Mental ADD! The hard thing is, many of the thoughts are things I’m working on, and I end up wondering “should I do this one first in order to help something else?… or if I wait on something, will I miss an opportunity because of an unknown window of timing?”… That’s when it’s enough to make anyone stress!

The thing is, I love all that I’m working on, in fact, it’s what keeps me going every day… and sometimes even at night.  What I hate is my physical body standing in the way of letting me do it all, or the fact that my health leaves me with sleepless nights at all.  I wish so much that I could be working on everything that I love, because I love the hard work!, but I wish it could be work on projects that help others or at least on the things that need to be done to help get there.  I want to feel like I’m getting something done that is moving things forward in life instead of feeling like I’m always trying to catch up, so I can think about something other than my own families survival.  I dream of no longer having to worry about our own home and how we are going to get moved in… but instead get to work and think about others and the projects I have waiting in anticipation!  Even if I can’t have my wish for health yet, I would be so happy to at least move on to those next projects, those that will allow me to play with design as I try to keep filling my heart while we wait for a timing and future we have no control over.  I’ll be free to move on from my apt. and finally watch the good unfold from all the hard work that has had nothing visible to show for it yet.  It can leave you feeling so defeated… but I try to hold on to something I learned in one of the home studies I’ve been doing this year…

“It takes 95% of a space shuttles fuel to break out of the atmosphere and only 5% to get to the moon and back”… So even if it seems like you are putting all your energy in at the beginning, without seeing much result, don’t give up because everything you are waiting for might be right around the corner.  They were teaching to “act with urgency, but be patient at the same time”… you have to get the ball rolling, but remember that things take time.

Now I will tell you, it is easy for me to say that, and I keep doing it in a different way, about different things, each day one at a time, because surviving a day is a whole lot easier than surviving a month, or a week… a year or 16… but when I realize how long has passed when those days are added together, I start worrying my fuel is going to run dry before I break the atmosphere and I keep praying for a miracle to come before that happens…

I was originally going to do a “catchup” in this post, but it seems to have led a direction of its own, becoming an example of exactly what it is about. LOL  It is actually the following Saturday now and the frustration of my health not letting me get things done and now having so much to catch up on happened at the exact time I was writing about it!  I ended up getting a migraine that left me floored and nauseous (in addition to the usual nausea) for almost three days, my excuse behind my apology for no communication or Merry Christmas Wishes during the week!  I’m so sorry… I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday, filled with fun and laughter and the happy company of their loved ones!  My MIA catchup will be saved for another post so this isn’t ten posts long! 🙂  For now, I am grateful I can at least move around slowly… look out at the streets that are covered in snow!… and hope that the headache that still lingers on WILL VERY SOON BE GONE!!!

MELE KALIKIMAKA EVERYONE!… enjoy the rest of the year!

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